Thursday, January 17, 2008

The stick-it-out gene

Sometimes I wonder why women seem to have a natural instinct to stick-it-out in a relationship when they aren’t getting the love, affection and respect they need or want. Maybe we think the man will change because they love us, or maybe we think we’ll “get over it,” but the truth is, men rarely change and we never get over it.

Is our instinct to stick around a learned behavior, or have women always been programmed to settle?

Even if you’re one of those amazingly strong women who never stays in a relationship one second longer than she should, at some point, we’ve all been tempted. Maybe you were tempted because you feared that particular person was the only one who could ever love you. Maybe your biological clock was ticking so loudly, that you were SURE other people could hear it. Maybe you were tempted because it was hard enough trusting that person, and you weren’t sure you would be able do it again with someone new. Or maybe, the man was simply hot.

Obviously, there is a major distinction between taking crap and compromising - but I’m not talking about compromising. I’m talking about the beautiful newlywed who hasn’t had sex in six months because her new husband hasn’t felt like it, or the young woman who is so desparate to get married, that she swears to her new boyfriend that she’ll wait while he goes to jail for six months. I have no explanation as to why there are times when we can’t seem to give up on men. But every once-in-awhile, I wonder if by sticking around, we are teaching men to give only as much as it takes to get us to stay.

1 comment:

Stubborn Diva said...

I've learned a lot about this gene lately... the reason for this is because most of them cannot afford to walk away. In all their life the person that their with is the closest thing that they have to perfect and they'd rather suck it up than find someone else new. It's warped logic but think about it: being single sucks! You accomplish so much for yourself and of course we are definitely happy but the world will never look at you the way that they look at coupled folk. Even if those folks have their issues; they still have it much better.
I know someone who just has a relationship from hell: she pretty much supports her cheating boyfriend but for some reason cannot let him go cause she claims that when he is wonderful...he is really wonderful. This bad relationship has been going on for more than 3 years now. Can you fucking believe it? To her....after she leaves him where will she start? Bars? Clubs? Gym? and all the other spots that single women meet men. It's too stressful. I'm sure they will get married soon and a whole new can of worm will emerge but hey....she is WITH someone.
Life is so fucked up!