Friday, July 25, 2008

At least it's not my dating theory

I finally met MML for coffee to put it all out there and figure out what's going on between us. It turns out his increased distance has nothing to do with my approach to dating. Apparently he "isn't ready for a relationship." For those of you who like detail, here's the jist of the conversation:

Me: Sorry to "call a talk" during such a crazy week. In the interest of getting right to the point, I feel like you've been pulling back with me, and I want to know if it's just me being a bit of a fruitloop because I think you're so great, or if there really is something going on? Anyway, I thought it would be best to just address it directly.

MML: First of all, I should have called this talk and I'm sorry I didn't. I have been pulling away and I think it's because I'm just not ready for a relationship. You haven't been demanding or needy, in fact, you're far from it. I've just noticed myself wanting to do what I want to do, and that's not a good mentality for the beginning of a relationship. Things should be moving forward between us at this point and they aren't, and it's because of me. It was never my intention to drag you along, there just never seems to be a good time for these type of talks.

Me: Yeah, they're always a little on the awkward side. Well, I certainly don't want to be dragged along, so I appreciate the honesty...that's pretty much all I can ask for.

[Insert some topical conversation about work and an upcoming birthday party I no longer have to attend for one of his friends]

Me: You know, I'm not sure it even matters, but I don't really believe you. I think you are ready for a relationship, maybe not with me and that's fine, but if that's the case, I wouldn't want you to tell me something else just to spare my feelings.

MML: I think I want to be ready for a relationship, but I'm in a selfish place and that's not fair to you. I should be willing to make more sacrifices in my time and my life for someone I'm with, and I'm not there yet.

Me: That makes sense. I can accept that. [smile]

After that, we joked about the sudden awkwardness between two people who have never before been awkward with each other. Then, we hugged it out and parted ways.

I'm definitely bummed. My gut knew something was up, and I could have only hoped it was something easy to resolve like my dating theories. My guess is that MML will be dating someone else in a matter of a month - I have no doubt that he's ready to find someone with whom he'll want to spend time...someone with whom it won't feel like a sacrifice or time away from the things he really wants to do. It's hard not to take it personally, but I do feel like my pride is as hurt as my heart.

When all is said and done, if he isn't ready, or I'm just not right for him, I want to move on. I'm not ready to find someone - I'm ready to find the right one, and I'm willing to wait. So for now, the search continues. Sigh.


Laurie Stark said...

Oh my goddddd I hate dating!

AF's gut instinct = +1 point

Anonymous said...

URGH. Such a bummer. Well, my best advise is, "on to the next!"