Sunday, October 21, 2007

Introducing the fem-button

"Show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a man who is tired of sleeping with her."

Someone said that to me today, and I don't know if I'll ever recover. Like I said, the whole feminist thing isn't intentional. However, I keep getting hit with stimulus that push my "fem-button." For instance, I've been reading (mostly in sophisticated publications such as US Weekly) about a new Hollywood school of thought: apparently it's now a widely accepted "truth" that men are not "programmed" to be monogamous. As if it's just the way they were born, like being gay or having green eyes.

Also, it came to my attention the last time I made the trek down-town to go to my hairdresser, that there are billboards all over Los Angeles advertising a Web site where married people can go to meet someone with whom to have an affair. Yowza. I honestly thought the ads (which feature a man seductively kissing a woman's neck...I think she might even be biting her lip. seriously.) were for some new romance novel or soap opera. I have to wonder, if you're single, are you allowed to use the site? Would a single person have to LIE and say they were married if they wanted to meet someone on the site? It would be comical if it weren't so disturbing.

Then, I was mindlessly flipping through a recent issue of Men's Health and I came across an article that discussed, quite matter-of-factly, how guys get tired of looking at and having sex with their girlfriends - "no matter how much they love them." The article went on to state that men want to experience a different body type, or know how a different woman would feel or respond during sex. The wondering isn't a crime, but the article dared to go one step further to suggest that, because of this inherent male need, more and more couples are having open relationships. I won't even go down the path of defining a need (think water, food and shelter). But I will mention that I'm curious to know how the women in these relationships really feel (not what they say, but what they actually think and feel). Sure, it might sound fun to suddenly be able to do more than harmlessly flirt with the gorgeous guy who works at the gym, but it has been my experience that no matter how secure, interesting, intelligent or beautiful a woman is, if she knows that her boyfriend or husband even thinks another, specific woman is hot, she will torture herself. "She is blonde, I'm brunette. I guess he likes blondes better." "She has long legs and a slender, athletic build; I'm petite and curvy." "She has huge fake boobs. Damn her." We can't help it, it's just the way were "programmed."

I would never suggest that being monogamous is easy, or that men are the only ones who cheat or get tempted to cheat. But when did monogamy become so...unglamorous? This new attitude sounds like an excuse. A "get out of jail free" card for people - especially men - not to be monogamous. "But babe, I had to sleep with her, I'm just not programmed to be monogamous." I hate to sound so old-fashioned, but there used to be a time when cheating was considered wrong, and a woman reserved the right to be angry - or even leave - if a man dared to stray. I realize I might be over-simplifying the issue, but some things aren't meant to be complicated. Besides, if we keep feeding men the idea that it's NORMAL for them to cheat, what the heck do you THINK they are going to do?!?!

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