Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Rockin the dating world

I'd like to say that I've been MIA the past week because I've been rockin the dating world like a pro. Unfortunately, I feel more like I've been rockin the dating world like a drunk celebutant driving an SUV the wrong way on the 405.

Here is a basic recap of last weekend...

A sloooooow start
I went out with Colorado. We went to a nice dinner, got ice cream (I really need to tell him I'm allergic) and saw a movie...it was one of the longest dates of my life. There is NOTHING wrong with Colorado. Like most SLGs, he has a lot of the characteristics I'm looking for - he is genuine, smart, sweet and looks at me like a five year-old staring at the presents under the Christmas tree. So what's the problem? First, he prayed (out loud) at the restaurant, before we ate. Not the end of the world, but the last time I prayed at a restaurant was with a "I'm religious because it's the cool-kid thing to do" guy I went to homecoming with my Sophomore year of high school. I'd already been dangling Colorado above the 'over-the-top religious guy' box, and the community prayer session definitely inched him closer to a boxed fate. Aside from the prayer, our conversation included several mathematical equations and a detailed explanation of the relationship between speed and time. It took him an hour - and what looked like a tremendous amount of internal anguish - to hold my hand during the movie, and even though he lingered at my door for FORTY FIVE MINUTES, he never went in for the kiss. DUDE. Colorado is great, but I need someone who isn't afraid to...ummm...grab the bull by the horns.

Things start to heat up
It was around 4pm on Saturday, and my girl roommate and I were watching the cops arrest our crazy neighbor, when MML texted me to say that he was watching the game at a bar down the street and did I want to come have a drink with him and some of his friends. Ordinarily, I wouldn't want to reinforce making last minute plans so early in the dating process, but since we'd already arranged a date for Tuesday night, I figured it was okay. My girl roommate came with me and we spent the next several hours playing darts, drinking beer and laughing until it hurt with MML's friends. Even though I discovered that I'm the world's WORST dart player, I had a great time flirting with MML. In fact, I didn't think things could get any better, and then he went in for a kiss as I was leaving the bar to head home. Not only was it a good kiss, but it was a "two hands on the face" kiss, which, when executed correctly - as it most certainly was - is unbelievably hot.

And MML takes the lead...

The rapid descent into disaster...
After I left MML, my girl roommate and I headed out with some of our girlfriends. I immediately ran into Colorado at the first bar. It's a little sad to look back on the situation now, because it could have been fine. We could have said a simple "hello," traded some pleasantries and then gone our separate ways. But no. Colorado lingered (yew) and generally didn't get the hint when I mentioned that I was "out with my girlfriends." He just stood on the outskirts of our group...like a cattle dog rounding up the herd. Sigh.

Our group eventually escaped and ended up at our favorite dive bar down the street. Around 1am, I was fighting the urge to knock out a Pamela Anderson look-alike who kept spilling her beer all over me, and I suddenly felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. At the exact same moment, my girl roommate said, "Uh, J-Dogg is right behind you." I turned around and came face-to-chest with J-Dogg.

I wish I could say that even though my heart was pounding, I just said "hi" and walked away. I wish I could say that even though it caught me off guard, I recovered, and immediately removed myself from the situation. Actually, I wish I could say that seeing J-Dogg for the first time in a month didn't have any physical effect on my body at all. Unfortunately, none of these scenarios are true. We stood there for a long time, just staring at each other. I don't even think we started talking for several minutes. I'm sure there was a voice somewhere in my head that was screaming "ABORT, MISSION! GET THE F*CK OUT OF HERE!" But I didn't hear that voice. I didn't hear my girl roommate telling me that my friends were leaving the bar and that I best meet them at the late-night diner in ten minutes or she was going to remove my breasts from my body. I didn't hear Jed filling me in on the latest group gossip...I didn't even hear the bouncer telling us that the bar was closed. I had suddenly become completely deaf.

J-Dogg and I can't talk about anything normal because there is such an enormous elephant in the room, so we just recapped the post mortem from a couple weeks ago. We recapped and made out. Yup, that's right, we made out. We made out as he pushed me up against the brick wall behind the bar. We made out all the way down the alley toward his apartment. We made out as he picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist. We made out like two high school kids under the bleachers at a football game.

I know you're expecting me to say that I regret making out with J-Dogg, but I don't. I loved every second of it. Of course I realize it was one of the stupidest moves I've made in a long time, but I still don't regret it. I loved feeling his mouth on mine. I loved feeling his arms wrapped around me. I loved feeling our fingers intertwined. I loved feeling his hands touch my face. I loved feeling.

But that isn't the shocking part. The shocking part is that I didn't go to his apartment. I didn't sleep with him. In fact, I left him in the middle of the street and walked back to the late night diner to meet my girl roommate (who'd been calling incessantly for the past hour and a half). J-Dogg can't give me what I want, and the best thing I can do for myself is to never speak to him again. But I fell for him accidentally, and like feminism, the things I feel accidentally, are the things I feel most sincerely.

1 comment:

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Damn girl! Major props to you. I don't know that I would have had that much self-restraint, but you definitely did the right thing!