Monday, June 2, 2008

Type-casting

It has been brought to my attention that I've been failing to provide updates on my very active dating life in favor of moaning about J-Dogg. Point taken.

I could spend hours and pages writing about the different guys I've been seeing, and providing you with sarcasm-lined commentary to spice up tales of rather mundane dates. I could tell you about the demise of Colorado, the short-lived flirtation with the pocket-sized volleyball player or the new surfer dude with a penchant for made-up words and theme parties. But the truth is that there is no point in detailing the "filler guys," - the guys I forget I'm seeing until they contact me to set up another date.

Instead, I'll tell you why the past week has jumbled my emotions and challenged my expectations. Remember MML? The fabulous first date? The hot two-hand kiss? The guy with super-fun friends?

I've known since our first date that MML wasn't just going to be some random guy I go to dinner with to further my dating experiment or get over J-Dogg. We've seen each other quite a bit over the past month and I'm always surprised how fun it is to hang out with him. He is interesting, witty, considerate and surprisingly insightful...his dirty blond hair, green eyes and killer smile aren't bad either. We've been to dinners, movies, and to check out local bands. I've spent some quality time getting to know his tight-knit, crazy, and incredibly endearing group of friends. We've talked about the first time we got drunk, our first kiss, what we admire about our parent's relationships (oddly, both sets of parents are still married) and what we'd like to do differently. We've talked about surviving high school, figuring out who we are and deciding what we want most from our lives. He opens doors, takes my hand, randomly kisses my forehead in the middle of a movie and frequently tells me I look amazing. He dotes on my friends and buys them drinks...even if he runs into them when I'm not around. In fact, after explaining that a number of my best friends are splattered across the country, he asked a series of questions, and then smiled and said, "I'm just trying to figure out how many states we're going to have to visit in order for me to meet all the important people."

So what's the problem, right? Maybe the problem is that there is NO problem - what could be scarier than that? I can only assume that my defense mechanisms, out to defend me from big, bad, heart-break, are responsible for any wishy-washy feelings. Regardless of this awareness, I've spent a lot of time thinking about the kind of guy I've always imagined I'd end up with, and coming up with reasons why MML is not that guy.

While I've never had a physical "type", I've always assumed that because I can be intense, a little sensitive and overwhelmingly high energy, I would end up with someone who is generally laid back and even keel. Someone to balance out my more "high maintenance" qualities and appreciate my spunkiness. Beyond being laid back, I've pretty much come to expect that I'll end up with a guy's guy. Someone who will take me camping, would rather get stun-gunned than get a pedicure and who only knows that something is going on between Jessica Simpson and Tony Roma because it [supposedly] caused him to lose a few bucks to his buddies.

MML is certainly not a girly-man, but he does enjoy being the center of attention, cried at The Notebook (excusable since its an incredibly touching movie), would be willing to get a pedicure as long as he was accompanied by a woman, and is self-admittedly moody (though I have yet to experience this phenomenon). In theory, these qualities turn me off, but in reality I find myself attracted to MML. I love his deep voice, I love that his family and friends are a priority in his life, and I love that he seems to appreciate both my feminist and feminine sides. Plus, it's refreshing to date someone who is ready for - and looking foreword to - the next stage in his life.

The type-casting defense mechanism may be out in full force, but I have NO intention of letting theoretical moodiness prevent me from exploring something potentially amazing. MML is not the kind of guy I pictured myself with, but I can't deny that this new feeling of possibility is exhilarating.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

He sounds fantastic!! Definitely give this one a shot!

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Aw, he sounds adorable.

Anonymous said...

Some people need some conflict to feel the intensity of the relationship. I think its ok that you have some defenses up. Its to be expected and it sounds like he may be willing to wade through the wreckage and carry all that extra baggage.
I have a mans man for a husband which is great at times. However, you do have to analyze why he doesn't want a pedicure or hold my purse. Turns out its because he's not that confident or comfortable with his sexuality. So the fact that MML is willing to confide in you and love his friends doesn't mean he's not a mans man. He might be more of a tough guy than the ones that wouldn't be caught dead at a chick flick or feel its necessary to hate shopping.

Anonymous said...

Some people need some conflict to feel the intensity of the relationship. I think its ok that you have some defenses up. Its to be expected and it sounds like he may be willing to wade through the wreckage and carry all that extra baggage.
I have a mans man for a husband which is great at times. However, you do have to analyze why he doesn't want a pedicure or hold my purse. Turns out its because he's not that confident or comfortable with his sexuality. So the fact that MML is willing to confide in you and love his friends doesn't mean he's not a mans man. He might be more of a tough guy than the ones that wouldn't be caught dead at a chick flick or feel its necessary to hate shopping.