Thursday, April 10, 2008


Somewhere between 1959 and now, it has become taboo for a woman to state, out loud, that she is at a point in her life where she wants to find a partner and get married. It’s a lot like announcing that you have a flesh eating disease that’s incredibly contagious – the crowd clears instantly, and you are left standing alone, assuming that it's not okay to want to get married.

Women who are verbal about their desire to settle down are often described as needy and desperate, or having no goals or purpose in life. Just look at the poor souls on The Bachelor – even I’m guilty of openly describing many Bachelor contestants as “pathetic.” I think a lot of women – especially smart, successful, independent, urban women – have learned to silence their inner desire to meet the right man and get married. We’ve been taught that the itch to get married is weak, and that it decreases our value as a person (actually, we're taught that it makes us less appealing to men - which is ironic, but a whole other bucket of worms). Well, I’m going to go ahead and call “BULLSHIT” on the whole thing. In fact, as a smart, successful, independent, urban woman, I’m going to go out on a limb and admit something:

I’m ready to find a life partner, and eventually, get married.

Crazy talk, I know. But here’s the thing: just because I’ve realized that I’m finally ready for the next step in life, doesn’t mean I’m going to start running down the street after eligible men, with a t-shirt that states in bright pink letters, “marry me, I’m ready.” There is a HUGE distinction between being ready to find a life partner and being desperate. I also think there is an important distinction between understanding enough about who you are and what you want out of life to be ready for a satisfying and lasting relationship, and being singularly focused on getting married. Just becase I’ve decided it's time to pass the torch on to the next generation of kissing sluts, doesn't mean I’ve suddenly forgotten my goals and interests, or lost my dynamic personality. Finding a life partner will never be the sole focus in my life, but as of today, it's going to be part of my life.

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