Monday, October 22, 2007

Truth or something like it: # 2

Truth #2: Calling someone else fat will not make you thinner.

I first heard these wise words from the Yoda of life-meaning herself, Lindsay Lohan. It was during the narration of a delicious little film called Mean Girls.

Okay, obviously I never really thought that calling someone else fat could make me thinner. It has more to do with that small feeling of satisfaction when you realize that you are thinner than the cute girl your ex-boyfriend is talking to at the bar. It's the same small satisfaction that you get when you actually relay this information to your best friend during an evening de-brief session, therefore confirming that is in fact true, and that he really did make the worst mistake of his life when he stopped dating you.

Now, I wish this small, satisfaction-esque feeling actually did result in some magical body transformation, but alas, it does not. And wait, it gets worse:

-If you eat the entire bag of Frito's by yourself in one sitting, but your roommate/boyfriend/life-partner/dog isn't home, the calories still count.
-One pig-out day will not make you fat. When you reach nine, considering cutting yourself off.
-Drinking diet soda instead of regular does not counteract the calories from the extra chocolate chip cookies
-Just because it's free doesn't mean it is calorie-free. This goes for business meeting food, food that is given to you as a gift or food that is stolen from the plate of your dinner partner/sibling/colleague when they aren't looking.
-Being in a different state or zip code does not make food fat, calorie or carb free. Same goes for road trips and vacations.

Again, I know its not like we actually believe this stuff, but the powers of rationalization can be amazing. Here is one tip that has been proven to make you thinner:

-Eat less, move more

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