The Last Boyfriend

Now that I’ve decided to stop my kissing slut shenanigans and find someone who won’t make me want to jump out a window after spending 50 consecutive years in their company, I’ve decided to adopt a whole new approach to this dating thing.

The way I see it, having boyfriends is a big, fat waste of my time. Why waste months or years on ONE guy who ultimately doesn't want - or isn't ready - for what I want. This is not a jab at J-Dogg, this is merely an observation. And this observation has led me to decide that I'm done having boyfriends. No more. Finished. Finito. Instead, I’m going to treat my dating life as a series of interviews for the position of my life partner (stop laughing, I have a point). Some guys will only have first interviews, others might get 30 interviews, but I will not commit to dating only one guy at a time. Call me "retro," but I think those 1950s chicks had it right when “going steady” meant you were reasonably certain that you were going to marry that particular guy.

My recent ponderings have brought me to yet another realization: until a certain point of intimacy and commitment in a relationship, a woman’s only real source of leverage is her appeal to other men. Therefore, I'm going to make sure I'm using my feminine wiles to the best of my ability. Instead of hunting for a husband (which just seems pathetic, desperate and blatantly against nature), I’m going to force them to hunt for me. I will not agree to stop dating my other beaus (I really love that word) until I'm relatively sure that I’ve met a guy I can brush my teeth next to for the foreseeable future. So for my friends who read this blog and are used to seeing an endless string of guys parade through my life, I'm back to my old tricks. Except this time I'm not hiding from a serious relationship, I'm holding out for something that is worth my time.

Unconventional? I’m not sure…it seems to me they did it this way before the dawn of free love and sex. I'm telling you, those poodle skirt wearing gals were onto something. Especially in light of my recent musings that guys will only live up to what we expect of them. In this case I'm expecting perusal. Sure, there will be a lot of guys who will be put off by my approach, but I have a sneaking suspicion that there will also be a lot of guys who will find it intriguing and challenging. Well, stayed tuned because my personal version of "The Bachelorette" is pretty much guaranteed to get interesting.