Friday, June 6, 2008

I don't understand

-Why anyone would think it was okay to disclose on a first date - or on the first five dates - that they have hemorrhoids, herpes and are "very turned on by their date's pheromones?" While this didn't happen to me, it DID happen, and it's just not okay.

-Why I can't resist a tabloid magazine with Jessica Simpson on the cover.

-Why I inspect my incoming wrinkles with intensity and diligence, as if staring at them is going to give them stage fright or something.

-Why celebrities seem to have cornered the market on having twins? It's replacing aid work and adopting children from third-world countries as the new celebrity trend. I remember the good 'ol days when celebrities were only responsible for trends like leg warmers and bangs.....

-Why cheese-dick Ron on the Bachelorette didn't give Deanna his FREAKIN coat when she said she was cold!? Instead, he just stood there, warm and toasty in his suit, and explained why she isn't his type of woman. Hot.

-Why certain members of my childhood group of friends continue to think that marriage/childbearing is a team sport at which I'm the weak link, and therefore pester me with questions like, "When are you going to get married, you've got to catch up." Or, when I explain my dating experiment and that I've started conducting "interviews" to find a life partner, they respond with "it's good to hear that you're finally growing up." Right. Because living a nomadic single life and starting my own business couldn't have given me any valuable life experience...

-Why my guy roommate continues to rise his dishes and then place them just OUTSIDE the dishwasher.

-Why guys think it's okay to call you at the exact time when they want you to come hang out. It's not even the principal of the matter, it's logistics: what if I worked out that day and didn't wash my hair when I took a shower because I didn't think I was going anywhere. If that were the case (and it's often the case), I'd have to re-shower and wash, dry and style my incredibly unmanageable hair. Then, I'd have to find an outfit that says "I'm cute, sexy and spontaneous, but not over dressed," while dealing with the fact that I can't just fall back on jeans and flip-flops because I'm short, and therefore all my cute jeans are long so I can only wear them with my incredibly high heels...which obviously I can't wear if I'm going to achieve my "of course this is what I was wearing when you called, and yes, I'm always this hot" look. I mean, come on, we're looking at a minimum of 45 minutes.

-Why doing ANYTHING other than work is incredibly appealing on a Friday

5 comments:

well-intentioned heartbreaker said...

I can't resist buying a tabloid with Britney on the cover, which is probably worse, and more frequent, hahh.

My Bachelorette faves are Jason (LOVE him), Jesse (he needs to wash his hair.. Maybe iron it a little) and Graham. And I'm in love with Deanna. My heart broke for her last season.. She is too adorable!

LBluca77 said...

I have been wondering that myself about why all of a sudden every pregnant celebs has twins. Are they drinking special water?

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Fertility treatments increase your chances for twins-- my theory is that all the celebrities are undergoing fertility treatments to make sure they get pregnant while it's still in vogue. Nobody wants to be the one having a baby one season too late.

As for the first date TMI-- oh my! Although, if my date had herpes, maybe I'd want to know that sooner rather than later...

Anonymous said...

I totally agree. I am married and can't stand all of my pregnant friends or family members always asking me "so when are you two going to join the club?" What if I don't want to be a part of their little club!

The Blank Spaces in Life said...

And then there's the reverse...when you get married and have a child while you are "young" people make all kinds of assumptions about how "liberated" (or not) you are and ask questions like "did you just get married to have sex?" or, "did you just get married because you were pregnant?" or otherwise totally insult your relationship and life choices. Furthermore, they proceed to assume (and usually state) that obviously you couldn't have lived any kind of good, fulfilling life and must be totally dependent on a man.

Anyway-in the end it's all the same as the stay at home vs. work debate after children with everyone deciding theirs is the superior way. If we really want to make women equal status to men it needs to start with us not continuously ripping each other apart.