Big bucket of crap

Friday wasn't exactly a day I'd like to rewind and relive. First, there was the whole dumping thing, after which I came home to a very scary voicemail about a close family member's health. Home alone without access to my family, I felt helpless, scared, vulnerable and incredibly alone. My sad little day ended with me on the couch watching Felicity DVDs and feeling nothing and everything, all at the same time.

When I woke up on Saturday morning, I put on my cute pink polka dot bikini, an even cuter cover-up and my new, very hot, cowboy hat. Determined not to waste any time feeling sorry for myself, I was going to blow off the work I'd sworn I'd do and the errands I needed to run, and take my puppy for a walk down to the pier to see if I could take my mind off the thick layer of CRAP that had blanketed the last 24 hours.

My plan didn't go very well.

Some of you who are more detail-oriented may remember that during our break-up, MML and I had talked about how I was off the hook for a certain birthday party. Well, what I didn't mention was that prior to breaking up with MML, I was supposed to help his best friend's girlfriend, Texas, set up a surprise party on the beach for her boyfriend, FunnyMan. After three months of hanging out, I'd gotten to know Texas and FunnyMan pretty well and I really liked them, especially Texas. Since the party was set to take place less than a block from my house, I'd volunteered myself and my Girl Roommate to help Texas set up for the party and keep some of the food in our fridge. There was a lot to set up (tons of beer, food, coolers, two large tents, beach chairs, a table and balloons) and MML and his friends were in charge of getting FunnyMan to the party, so Texas would have been handling everything on her own.

Anyway, during our last conversation MML had asked me to please attend the party anyway, insisting that it wouldn't be awkward and that it would mean a lot to Texas and FunnyMan. Obviously I had no intention of going to a party for MML's friend - call me crazy, but it just didn't sound like a whole lot of fun. However, because MML was insistent, I lied and said I would consider it. Basically, I figured that once he told Texas we were no longer together, she would find someone else to help her set up for the party, and I'd be off the hook altogether.

Yeeeeeah.

Around 9:30am I got a cheery call from Texas. Apparently MML hadn't mentioned to Texas (who, btw, happens to sublet a room in his condo, so it's not like they didn't have an opportunity to talk) that we were no longer seeing each other. So, as planned, she'd called me to begin the set up process. By ditching her at this point, I knew I'd be screwing over this sincerely nice, super-fun girl, so I rallied what was left of my dignity and started carrying coolers, tying balloons and going on ice runs.

Knowing that Texas would feel incredibly bad if she found out later, I gave her a heads up that MML and I had ended things the day before, and that while it was my pleasure to help her set up for the party, I couldn't stay. She was very surprised, and even more apologetic, thanking me again and again for helping anyway.

With the very sweaty process of setting up behind us, and the surprise only minutes away, Texas was getting nervous that there weren't a lot of party attendees. Being a glutton for punishment and horrible at saying "no," I agreed to stay for the surprise when she pleaded with me, insisting that it wouldn't be a big deal.

With my Girl Roommate at my side, I gritted my teeth and yelled "surprise!" with impressive sincerity. I even made it through all the hugs and MML whispering "thank you" in my ear. Planning to have one beer and then gracefully exit, I chatted with Texas and some other friends, while the guys started their intensely competitive volleyball game.

Because the set up process had been so hot, a couple of us decided to go cool off in the water. When I returned to the tents - eager to finish my beer and get the hell out of there - I noticed that a new attendee had joined the festivities. A thin girl in a green bikini was smiling and bouncing around on the volleyball court. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and was vaguely aware of the fact that I was standing, staring, with my mouth visibly open.

My Girl Roommate leaned over asked me what was wrong and I whispered, "that's MML's ex-girlfriend, Wenchface!"

For a full 30 seconds, I was paralyzed with shock and embarassment. Then I tossed my beer into the nearest trash and walked slowly away from the party. As my eyes filled with tears (sometimes you just can't help it), I was flooded with thoughts and questions. I'd been told that MML hadn't hung out with Wenchface (who actually seems pretty nice, but I maintain that I'm allowed to hate her on principal) since they broke up last fall - was she the reason that the guy who had spent months of time and effort pursuing me, had suddenly turned cold? When had they started talking again? Were they getting back together? If they were getting back together, how long had it been going on?

I will never know the answers to these questions, and that's just fine with me. For now I plan to avoid, avoid, avoid - a tough job when you live in a small community like ours. Then eventually, time will take pity on me and I won't give a flying fuck anymore.