Sunday, June 29, 2008

Free falling

While I was in Boston, MML was in Hawaii with his family. He got back last Friday and I’ve seen him five separate times since then:

-Saturday he came to the belated house warming party I threw with my roommates, and not only did he rush to my aid and rescue my puppy (who got so excited from making so many new friends that she jumped over a 3 1/2 foot wall and ran directly into oncoming traffic) from the street while I had a panic attack, but he spent quality time talking to specific friends I’d mentioned – at some point or another – were important to me. Before he left to go home, he asked if he could take me to breakfast in the morning. I agreed. I mean, for heaven’s sake, he saved my baby’s life; the least I could do was let the boy buy me some eggs.

-Sunday morning he came to pick me up, and when he saw that I was cleaning, he jumped right in and helped me and my roommates clean up beer cans and other party remnants. When things looked a little bit less like Animal House, we headed to breakfast and laughed about how we’re getting old and how hangovers hurt a little bit more each time. I laughed about it, but in reality I was still crossed-eyed, and shaking so bad it was all I could do not to drop my fork or barf on the table. Somehow I managed to avoid being the girl who up-chucked in front of the senior citizens at the Original Pancake House, and had an amazing time. When he dropped me off at home, he asked what I was doing later that night. I knew I’d seen a lot of him in the past 24 hours, but I decided to throw caution to the wind and say “nothing.” He suggested we grab some dinner and see a movie. I agreed. I mean, he did help with clean-up duty, it was the least I could do…

-Dinner was perfect, and at one point during the movie, when he leaned over and kissed me, I swear I felt a little something in my tummy.

-On Monday night he called to ask me to have dinner with him on Tuesday, and by this point, I’d be lying by omission if I didn’t admit that I couldn’t wait to see him again. I found myself carefully picking an outfit I knew he’d love (actually, it was inspired by my new BFF, Deanna (yes, as in The Bachelorette). Normal people might not remember this, but I LOVED the white jeans she wore the night she sent both guys home from the two-on-one date). I found myself smiling like an idiot when he told me I looked gorgeous. I found myself alternating between laughing hysterically and enjoying in-depth conversations about everything from condiments (mustard vs. ketchup) to family to business ethics. I found myself wondering how four and a half hours could have flown by so quickly. I knew when MML kissed me goodnight that I’d just been on one of the best dates of my life.

-On Thursday he called me from work in the middle of the day to fill me in on some office drama that he’d been telling me about all week, and before we hung up he asked if my girl roommate and I wanted to meet some of his friends at a local hot spot for a couple of drinks and some good music. I hesitated because, well, I didn’t want to be too available, and this would have been our fifth time hanging out in one week. However, as I’m writing this, I'm on my way to Vegas with my girlfriends for a long weekend of good ‘ol fashioned shenanigans. Given we’ll have a four day separation, I thought seeing MML one more time would be okay. Again, I carefully picked out my outfit and felt myself light up when we walked into the bar and MML made a beeline for me and my girl roommate. We had a great time hanging out and dancing…although, we definitely got caught giving each other a couple of looks that made our friends roll their eyes and make gagging noises.

By the time I kissed MML good night (for a half hour) on Thursday, I knew I was in trouble. We’ve been seeing each other for just about two months and things have steadily moved forward since our first date. If I can control the intense panic rising in my throat, I'll admit that I’m developing real feelings for MML. I know the time is coming when it will be assumed that I’m not dating anyone else, and I’m somehow going to have to explain my position and my logic.

When I decided to be done having boyfriends, I definitely patted myself on the back for what I honestly thought was a stroke of brilliance. I firmly believe that I need to stay strong in my resolve not to have a boyfriend. I’ve dated enough guys to fill a football stadium and I’ve had a couple of significant relationships - I know I’m ready to find a life partner. It made so much sense - if you're looking for a life partner, why in the world would you date one guy at a time? It's much more efficient to keep your options open until you find someone you want to spend your life with and who feels the same way about you. To me, that seems like the logical point to focus on one guy.

When I first started thinking that I'm going to somehow communicate this to MML, I was overwhelmed…and a little scared. How would I make sure he knew that he was becoming incredibly special to me, and that not having a boyfriend is just how I need to do things at this point in my life? How would I make sure he knew that I wasn't going to be sleeping with other guys (once we decide to take that step)? What if this is a deal breaker for him? Although I have no idea how I’m going to do it or what I'm going to say, if he walks away, he probably wasn't in it for the long haul.

ALL that being said, I think an amendment to the dating experiment is in order: In the beginning, the idea was to date pretty much anyone and everyone who asked me out (within reason, I did say “no” to the 50 year old with a pot belly who came up to me, sucked his teeth, and said, “how bout I take your pretty little self out tonight”). But now, I think I should continue getting to know MML and introducing him to my world - without having to go on dates with people who interest me about as much as accounting homework. At this point there is no reason to go on pointless dates. BUT, if and when a B+ or better comes along and asks me out, I’ll go...until I know I'm with someone I want to spend my life with (whether it's MML or someone I've yet to meet). In the meantime, I'm going to focus on allowing myself to fall...EEEK!


Anonymous said...

awww such a cute story! good luck :)

Laurie Stark said...

Oh, this is so great!

I've been thinking a lot lately about commitment. I definitely agree that it's too early to commit to not seeing anyone else, but I wonder when that changes? I guess you'll just know. One thing that I've been thinking about lately is people who are in 1-3 year relationships and are still keeping an eye open for someone better. At a certain point, I feel like that's counterproductive-- there will always be problems in a relationship and, when you're in a rough patch, there will always be someone else who seems new and shiny.

Anonymous said...

i love him